DON'T

   • be a child

   • be comfortable

   • be direct

   • be hopeful

   • be selfish

   • be ‘weak’

   • be yourself

   • change bad things

   • complete tasks

   • feel anything

   • heal yourself

   • leave us

   • need anything

   • notice reality

   • out-do us

   • risk anything new

   • try or succeed

   • want anything

☁ It’s weak & dangerous    

     -- to have needs                                     

     -- to ask for help

     -- to have feelings (emotions)

☁ I’m always supposed to struggle, but never

     get there

☁ Other people’s needs & feeling are always 

     more important than mine

☁ If it too easy for me to do, it doesn’t count 

      & has no value

☁ If I have to ask for it -  it it doesn’t count  

     (people should already know what I need)

☁ Joy , peace, contentment  --  are not an  

      option for me

☁ No one is safe / trustworthy (I can’t trust   

      anyone)

☁ I deserve / cause all the anger & abuse my

     family dishes out to me

☁ Be loyal to the family - even if they are

     crazy, hurtful, cruel or neglectful

☁ Never  ever hold anyone else accountable  

     for their bad behavior

                  ADD YOUR OWN VARIATION

BE              ☛ or 

   • a blamer

   • addicted

   • all knowing

   • alone

   • crazy

   • confused

   • controlling

   • fearful

   • frenetic

   • hopeless

   • isolated

   • judgmental

   • miserable

   • obedient

   • perfect

   • rigid

   • silent

   •‘strong’

☁ I’m supposed to be punished severely for

      -- accidental mistakes

      -- things I don’t know

      -- bad things that others do to me

☁ Don’t air the family laundry (anywhere)

☁ The ‘universe’ is against me/ I’m doomed

☁ I should never be comforted when in pain

☁ I’m supposed to always suffer

☁ If I don’t like it  --  I have to stay

☁ No one wants to help me & or ever will

☁ Why bother / it’s hopeless  / I’m hopeless

☁ I have to do everything myself

☁ No playing until ALL my work is done

☁ Down time is wasted time (do, do, do)

☁ Don’t expect anything good, ever

☁ I’m not worthy of / don’t deserve love

☁ I’ll always be alone, no one wants me

☁ I don’t belong - anywhere! 

☁ I’m too much trouble, too sensitive                                    

Home  •  SITE MAP  •  About Me  •  ACoA Traits  •  Article  • Books  •  Boundaries  •  Co-Dependence  • Course  •  Decisions  •  Definitions  •  Effective Responses  • Emotions  •  Family Roles  •   Friends  •   Healthy Rules  • Inner Child •  Links  •  Love  •  Recovery  •  Relationships  •  Toxic Rules  •  Trust