❖...eliminating ALL pain from our life
❖...controlling emotions or trying to
have ‘appropriate’ emotions. Those
are both signs of damaged thinking
❖...‘letting go’ of all behavior &
thought patterns quickly, or so
completely that we’re permanently
free of them.
ALL expectation & demands for
perfection or extreme - is damage &
a sure fire setup for self-hate!
❖...trying to fix our childhood
damage, to eliminate all character
defects & do is easily.
Any effort to fix ourselves says we
think we’re bad, that our badness
is our own fault & we’re therefore
responsible for doing anything we
can to correct it.
❖ ...being ‘serene’ all the time.
We’d have to be on drugs to do that.
To always be pleasant, kind, honest,
thoughtful...is a disguise for a wide
range of emotions we don’t find
acceptable. To be ‘so good’ is a
negation of legitimate rage & fear
of abandonment.
❖... trying to get from our family
what we never got as kids, or
assuming we can have a ‘great’
relationship with them - if only we
were well enough
RECOVERY (R)
❧...a combination of gains & losses, fulfillment and
disappointment, joy & pain - part of being human,
not superhuman. Only addicts want ‘no pain’ &
think that’s an appropriate goal.
❧...accepting all emotions as legitimate. Es are the
natural indicators of our reaction to real experience
- whether something is good or bad for us. Actions
may or may not be good & thoughts can be reframed
& replaced when they’re harmful or incorrect.
❧...accepting we’ll always have stuff to work on, ‘til
our end - never be completely free of early patterns,
ideas & wounds. Under stress it’s normal to regress
to our early default settings.
Even when our actions have become more Healthy
Adult our emotions & thoughts can sometimes be
from that old place of victim, self-hate, fear,envy,
impatience, greed... BUT - they don’t last as long,
we know where they come from, can get support, &
help the I.C. with love & logic.
❧...accepting that alcoholism & co-dependence have
left scars & emotional hangovers. Being human means
we’ll never be perfect - but Recovery IS truly
possible! Humility (not humiliation) is simply a
consistent willingness to evaluate ourselves with
compassion, in honesty & reality, modifying our
thoughts & action to be able to reach our own goals.
❧...gaining genuine serenity, based on a solid
emotional, mental & spiritual foundation - from the
inside. This creates the unshakable knowledge that
we are ok even when we’re in pain, under pressure,
not understood or supported. Serenity is the by-
product of knowing & accepting oneself in the
moment, trusting your gut & a loving Higher Power.
❧...accepting there’s no ‘if only’ about our childhood.
Even with therapy, Program & other support, now
it’s truly up to us to become Kind Parent & Wise
Adult for ourselves. Others will often disappoint
which can make us sad & angry. AND NOW we can
choose how deal with family - by:
a. limited contact, to see who they really are
b. rare or none, to protect ourselves from abuse
c. regular contact, BUT only as friendly Adults
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Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists