❖...eliminating ALL pain from our life

  ❖...controlling emotions or trying to

   have ‘appropriate’ emotions. Those

   are both signs of damaged thinking

  ❖...‘letting go’ of all behavior &

   thought patterns quickly, or so

   completely that we’re permanently

   free of them.

   ALL expectation & demands for 

   perfection or extreme - is damage &

   a sure fire setup for self-hate!

  ❖...trying to fix our childhood

   damage, to eliminate all character

   defects & do is easily.

   Any effort to fix ourselves says we  

   think we’re bad, that our badness

   is our own fault & we’re therefore 

   responsible for doing anything we

   can to correct it.

  ❖ ...being ‘serene’ all the time. 

   We’d have to be on drugs to do that. 

   To always be pleasant, kind, honest, 

   thoughtful...is a disguise for a wide

   range of emotions we don’t find

   acceptable.  To be ‘so good’ is a

   negation of legitimate rage & fear

   of abandonment.

  ❖... trying to get from our family

   what we never got as kids, or

   assuming we can have a ‘great’

   relationship with them - if only we

   were well enough



   ❧...a combination of gains & losses, fulfillment and

    disappointment, joy & pain - part of being human,

    not superhuman.  Only addicts want ‘no pain’ & 

    think that’s an appropriate goal.

  ❧...accepting all emotions as legitimate. Es are the 

    natural indicators of our reaction to real experience  

    - whether something is good or bad for us.  Actions

    may or may not be good & thoughts can be reframed

    & replaced when they’re harmful or incorrect.

  ❧...accepting we’ll always have stuff to work on, ‘til

    our end - never be completely free of early patterns,

    ideas & wounds.  Under stress it’s normal to regress

    to our early default settings.

    Even when our actions have become more Healthy

    Adult our emotions & thoughts can sometimes be

    from that old place of victim, self-hate, fear,envy,

    impatience, greed...  BUT - they don’t last as long,

    we know where they come from, can get support, &

    help the I.C. with love & logic.

  ❧...accepting that alcoholism & co-dependence have

    left scars & emotional hangovers. Being human means

    we’ll never be perfect - but Recovery IS truly

    possible!  Humility (not humiliation) is simply a

    consistent willingness to evaluate ourselves with

    compassion, in honesty & reality, modifying our

    thoughts & action to be able to reach our own goals.

  ❧...gaining genuine serenity, based on a solid

    emotional, mental & spiritual foundation - from the

    inside.  This creates the unshakable knowledge that

    we are ok even when we’re in pain, under pressure,

    not understood or supported.  Serenity is the by-

    product of knowing & accepting oneself in the

    moment, trusting your gut & a loving Higher Power.

  ❧...accepting there’s no ‘if only’ about our childhood. 

    Even with therapy, Program & other support, now  

    it’s truly up to us to become Kind Parent & Wise

    Adult for ourselves. Others will often disappoint

    which can make us sad & angry.  AND NOW we can

    choose how deal with family - by:

    a. limited contact, to see who they really are

    b. rare or none, to protect ourselves from abuse

    c. regular contact, BUT only as friendly Adults

RECOVERY (IS & ISN’T) cont.Recovery_-_Is_%26_Isnt.html

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Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists

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