In ‘dis-easy’ families, while 

       some rules are useful, many  

       are   ☹ too restrictive

       ☹ crazy-making

       ☹ not do-able, unfair

       ☹ changeable, controlling

       ☹ even cruel & dangerous   

         to our well-being.

      Rules are meant to be obeyed,

      & punishment must follow

      disobedience - of  course!

    But what if the rules are BAD?

         TOXIC Rules must be  

      identified & disobeyed in

      order to have a better life

    

☁ OBEDIENCE

    All of our lives we have obeyed a set of rules we learned

    in our family, even those of us who seemed not to have had

    rules at home!  For the most part they’ve been running our

    lived, often without our awareness or choice.

    Some were said outright, but most we absorbed or intuited

    from the prevailing atmosphere of that household. Some we

    concluded, rightly or not, by the way we were treated.

    Children take in everything around them, spoken or

    unspoken,  indiscriminately.  This is natural. Those were the

    rules that our parents also lived by - at least in heir head.

✥  IN RECOVERY

   One major task is to persistently BREAK

   these damaging family rules which have

   crippled us for so long, until they no longer

   have such power over us.  Obeying bad rules

   harms us - as well as everyone we interact     

   with.

   This is difficult & scary because we’re   

   deeply convinced that obeying them will

   finally make our family love & accept us!

   NOT TRUE. Love cannot be earned or bought.

   It is freely given, but only by those who are

   already capable of loving. YOU can’t make

   that happen. A recovery saying:

   “My loving you is none of your business” !

   When we begin to break the TOXIC rules:

1. a)at first we experience ‘backlash’ - various
   

    forms of self- punishment for disobeying the

    rules, like getting sick, being depressed,

    sinking into self-hate and most obviously -

    feeling very GUILTY!  Eventually all that

    will subside - if we keep at it.

b) we may also be punished by some family

   members for not going along with ‘the

   program’ - we may get insulted, attacked,

   belittled, ridiculed, ignored, shamed, cut

   out!

      ❖   That just proves how unloving &

           abandoning they really are!

Home  •  SITE MAP  •  About Me  •  ACoA Traits  •  Article  • Books  •  Boundaries  •  Co-Dependence  • Course  •  Decisions  •  Definitions  •  Effective Responses  • Emotions  •  Family Roles  •   Friends  •   Healthy Rules  • Inner Child •  Links  •  Love  •  Recovery  •  Relationships  •  Toxic Rules  •  Trust