Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists


           BOUNDARIES are like SKIN, not walls!                          

         Bs  LET THINGS IN                                          Bs  KEEP THINGS IN

         - love, generosity, praise                                - some opinions

         - info @ how the world works                           - some emotions

         - knowledge, help                                            - damage 

         - enjoyment,  humor                                        - secrets, flaws

         - info @ others (cues)                                       -  private issues

         - emotional healing                     

           Bs  LET THINGS OUT                                     Bs  KEEP THINGS OUT

          - comfort, support                                         - all types of abuse

          - many emotions                                            - expectations

          - abilities, talents                                         - demands, invasions

          - help, understanding                                    - over-stimulation

          - your knowledge                                           


1) So you can deal with the OUTSIDE 

        WORLD positively

  • by Screening: to protect from danger

    or unpleasantness

  -- cut down intake of too much noise, info, 

     activities, people

  -- eliminate toxic people, substances,   

    locations (when possible)

  -- protect from subtle manipulation, too

    many demands, confusing communications   

   • by Interpreting: to understand the  

    particular meaning of something

  -- be able to read situations accurately

  -- not assume everyone or everything is

    dangerous to you

  -- correctly assess what someone is saying

    or wanting from you

  -- think of 2-3 opposite causes for events

    (not just negative ones)

2)   So you can manage YOUR  

      INTERACTIONS with the world

  • by Modulating self: to temper, soften,

     tone down, comfortably vary

  -- not over-react to ‘normal’ situations

  -- choose when & where to be boisterous 

     vs silent, angry or rageful, when to fight

     vs back down....

  -- know when to say something & when not

  • by Regulating self:to adjust according 

    to a standard in order to insure success

  -- behave appropriately, depending on

      the venue & event (from self-respect)

  -- pick the right time to communicate your

    upset / bad news ...with someone

  -- to accomplish a goal: follow the rules   

     of the relevant group you want to

     interact with (if not in conflict with

     your personal values)


                    PURPOSE  of Bs
      ‘Ego barriers’ needed to guard YOUR Inner Space
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Donna M Torbico @1987
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