Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists
BOUNDARIES are like SKIN, not walls!
Bs LET THINGS IN Bs KEEP THINGS IN
- love, generosity, praise - some opinions
- info @ how the world works - some emotions
- knowledge, help - damage
- enjoyment, humor - secrets, flaws
- info @ others (cues) - private issues
- emotional healing
Bs LET THINGS OUT Bs KEEP THINGS OUT
- comfort, support - all types of abuse
- many emotions - expectations
- abilities, talents - demands, invasions
- help, understanding - over-stimulation
- your knowledge
1) So you can deal with the OUTSIDE
WORLD positively
• by Screening: to protect from danger
or unpleasantness
-- cut down intake of too much noise, info,
activities, people
-- eliminate toxic people, substances,
locations (when possible)
-- protect from subtle manipulation, too
many demands, confusing communications
• by Interpreting: to understand the
particular meaning of something
-- be able to read situations accurately
-- not assume everyone or everything is
dangerous to you
-- correctly assess what someone is saying
or wanting from you
-- think of 2-3 opposite causes for events
(not just negative ones)
2) So you can manage YOUR
INTERACTIONS with the world
• by Modulating self: to temper, soften,
tone down, comfortably vary
-- not over-react to ‘normal’ situations
-- choose when & where to be boisterous
vs silent, angry or rageful, when to fight
vs back down....
-- know when to say something & when not
• by Regulating self:to adjust according
to a standard in order to insure success
-- behave appropriately, depending on
the venue & event (from self-respect)
-- pick the right time to communicate your
upset / bad news ...with someone
-- to accomplish a goal: follow the rules
of the relevant group you want to
interact with (if not in conflict with
your personal values)
BOUNDARIES - (Bs)
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