❦ No matter what I do, I don’t deserve abuse for it!
❦ It’s not what I do, it’s who I’m with (that’s causing the problem)
❦ Their craziness has nothing to do with me
❦ The more rageful and self-destructive I am, the greater my childhood abuse
❦ If I am abused as an adult, I was an abused child
❦ My kid always has a right to be heard, even when he / she is annoying, needy,
scared, angry, obsessive, mean, whiney, ...
❦ My sole recovery task is to ‘S & I’ (separate & individuate). All else will follow
❦ Either I live, or they live (the parents in my head). I am a separate being
❦ The more awake I am in the moment, the better I can take care of myself
❦ The message I send is not always the message received. Ask questions
❦ Why someone loves me is none of my business. Just accept it
❦ My emotions will never kill / harm anyone else, ever. My actions may or may not
❦ Most decisions I make are not life & death (even if it feels like it)
❦ If I’m having self-destructive thoughts I’m actually angry at someone else
❦ Being suicidal is rage at someone who abandons us- “I’ll show them what
they’ve done to me / I’ll make them suffer”
❦ My kid has a right to safety, verification, acknowledgement AND kindness
❦ My kid has a damaged part & a healthy part. I need to honor both
❦ My pain is all the proof I need - for what happened to me as a kid
❦ I KNOW WHAT I KNOW (repeat this every day!)
❦ I am damaged, not defective
❦ I am hurt, not helpless. Healing, not hopeless!
❦ I am not my self-hate. It’s just a belief & feeling I have
❦ I can’t trust myself or others as long as I deny what I know/ see / feel / hear
❦ I will never be totally without pain, but I can learn to protect myself
❦ I can make it without THEM
❦ I can take care of myself, & it won’t kill them (only the ‘damage’ kills)
❦ I can function even when I’m scared. But it’s ok to ‘fuzz out’ sometimes
❦ I don’t have to act on any emotion. Sometimes it’s better to just sit with them
❦ I know best how my insides work/ what I need/ how I think ... if I listen to myself
❦ I don’t need to keep my life a mess just to prove that they did to me!
❦ I need to admit how I much needed / loved them - before I can let go of the family
❦ I can tell the bad parent voice : “Thank you for sharing - now SHUT UP!”
❦ “All (painful) roads lead to...” abandonment - not to self-hate
❦ God /Higher Power is not an alcoholic parent ( H.P. does not agree with them )
❦ Always listen to the kid (I.C.)
❦ Extreme loneliness is about not having good parents (now in our head)
❦ Deep abandonment pain (not self-hate) heals the kid, & is not devastating
❦ A core recovery task is to consciously eliminate self-hating beliefs
❦ Getting well is the best revenge!
❦ There’s no such thing as inappropriate emotions (only some thoughts & actions)
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Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists