❧ EMOTIONS (E.)

  It’s the first ‘language’ of a human being,

  before speech.  E’s tell us what hurts, what’s

  good for us & what’s not therefore it is

  imperative to have access to them. 

  Accumulated painful Es pushed out of 

  consciousness drive our actions, so we don’t 

  have a choice in how to live.

  HINT:  an E is just ONE word (sad, glad, mad, 

  excited, scared...)

  Anything more that one word are  - thoughts/ 

  ideas/ opinions

❧ FEAR

  Fear is an E. generated in childhood from all 

  the ways we were abandoned (MPES). To a

  child, not being taken care of , understood,  

  heard, guided, etc. is LIFE & DEATH painful! 

  The more we were hurt, the more intense fear

  accumulated in our nervous system - often

  with no way to be discharged. So it built up.

  By now it’s become terror! 

  “IF it’s HYSTERICAL, it’s HISTORICAL”

  In the present, fear/ terror can be caused by 

  external events OR what we are thinking / 

  believing. *** Just changing your thinking will 

  not eliminate OLD fear, which needs to be 

  vented in safe ways

❧ FEELINGS

  It’s used in everyday speaking to mean EITHER 

  thoughts OR emotions.  This is very confusing. 

  To know what someone means & so how to

  respond appropriately,  it’s very important to

  know the difference. Most of the time it’s

  used to mean thoughts, such as “I feel that

  the world is a fascinating place”, “I feel that 

  you should try something new”, “ I feel he

  doesn’t like me”  etc. All of these are 

  thoughts, not emotions

❧ FEAR of ABANDONMENT (FoA)

  This fear is so great it prevents ACoAs from  

  either a) trying new thing, taking reasonable  

  risks, saying what they really thing or feel,

  asking for almost anything (esp. if it’s really

  important to them) OR b) leaving bad jobs,

  relationships & family members, even

  apartment, clothes, books -- anything which

  may feel like ‘company’, to NOT feel one’s

  inner aloneness

❧ GRANDIOSITY

  It’s the assumption that you can do or be

  something that’s out of your capacity, 

  knowledge, experience... Like fixing someone 

  else’s life for them! OR ‘making someone love

  you’ by creating a false self- that you can’t

  sustain (a kind of con-job).

  OR even, trying to swim to an island that’s

  farther away than it seems - & you’re not a

  good swimmer!

   4 Levels to Human Beings: (M,P,E,S)

  MENTAL, PHYSICAL, 

   EMOTIONAL and SPIRITUAL 

❧ ABANDONMENT (A/A)

  Not getting one’s needs met as a child - on 

  any or all of the above 4 Levels. The more

  of those needs we didn’t get met,

  repeatedly & continually, the greater the 

  amount of abandonment-fear (& rage) is

  accumulated

❧ ACTING OUT

  Any compulsive action or non-action  

  (temporarily not in our control), which 

  expresses/ acts out some Emotion (E) the 

  person is NOT consciously aware of having

  at that time

❧ BOUNDARIES

  Your personal space, on each of the 4

  levels (MPES) which you need to feel safe,

  comfortable & to thrive. It’s a flexible

  ‘bubble’ which can expand & contract 

  according to circumstance, who you’re

  with & the way you feel

❧ CO-DEPENDENCE

  It’s a way of interacting with others from

  a position of weakness & low self-esteem.  

  It’s based on not having a sense of our own

  identity & that who we are is actually bad

  & that everyone else is better than us.

  So we look to others to tell us who we are, 

  who we should be & to give us permission 

  to exist!  We try to please everyone else  

  BUT ourselves, out of fear that they’ll  

  abandon us if they knew the ‘real’ us

❧ DAMAGED, NOT DEFECTIVE  

  Self-hate tells us that we’re unimportant,  

  undeserving, worthless. That would make  

  us defective - from birth! ‘Defective‘  

  cannot be repaired - it can only be  

  discarded.

  HOWEVER -  the reality is that we were

  damaged by our early experiences, and 

  damage can be repaired.

  Knowing you’re damaged can actually 

  relieve self-hate - bcs. you’re ‘fixable’!

❧ DENIAL

  It does not mean ignoring something we

  don’t want to deal with. Denial,

  psychologically, is a self-protection   

  (defense mechanism) which shoves painful

  info into the unconscious. Therefore - we 

  “don’t know that we don’t know”    

  something. It’s not in our conscious  

  awareness.  As long as it’s hidden, it 

  controls how we feel & act.  

  It has to be ‘dug up‘ in order to be able

  to change the issue

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