HEAL & GROW for ACoAs
 

http://www.mindtools.com

http://www.managementhelp.org


  1. 1.OFF TOP of  the HEAD

  a. general pattern: a quick reaction approach,

     reacting without thought

  b. IF uncomfortable or unexpected: only goal is to

    eliminate discomfort, or to protect self from  

    threat or conflict


OUTCOME: May be ok sometimes, but more often

   a. creates additional problems

   b. commits one to a course of action one didn’t

    want, or can’t handle


2. ‘ME FIRST’ ACTIONS

   a. actions focus only on most fun, or easiest

   b. choice reflects only personal needs or wants

   c. need for immediate gratification

OUTCOME: Consequences not considered, either to

   self - or others


  1. 3. SEEK ONLY IMMEDIATE RESULTS   

   a. obvious (simple) consequences are thought

    of as well as others’ interests,

   b. BUT no account is taken of

• long range potential for damage, to self/others  

• consequences over time

• possible future benefits (eliminated or delayed  

    longer than necessary)

• future growth

• possible change in goals / values

• possibility of other options

DECISIONS

POOR APPROACHES


1. Establish VALUES

    • Use list on next page (See below)


  1. 2.Set GOALS

   • Based on personal interests & preferences

              on personal  priorities

              on time sensitive constraints

              on emergency situations


3. IDENTIFY Possible Action ALTERNATIVES

    • Ask for suggestions from others with   

    experience about same issue


  1. 4. Collect INFORMATION on all Possibilities

    • From internet, books, people re

   • Requirements:

     Time, Money, Manpower, Supplies, Effort...

     (ALWAYS allow 2-3x the amount of what  

      you think is enough - it rarely is!)


  1. 5.List possible CONSEQUENCES of options,

    & how they can best be handled


  1. 6.Take appropriate, responsible ACTIONS    

   • ones BEST for you, and

    • Best for others, when it doesn’t harm          

    you, & for the ‘greater good’


  1. 7.EVALUATE Result for Future Reference

    • Success & Mistakes

   • Under & over estimations

SUCCESSFUL APPROACHES
VALUES • On NEXT PAGEs - Values that you, & family, hold in high esteem.... • If needed, look up meaning of words, to be sure, & add any that are missing • Double check you don’t say ‘ Yes’ to any not really yours (no shoulds or obligations to fulfill for someone else) • If trouble deciding, try the reverse: List all favorite activities, then extrapolate the values satisfied by each one. EXPL: Driving car = power, mobility, independence... OR = prestige, adventure, freedom...) • When finished, chose your top 5 - 8, & prioritize. Also do the same for the others • Who are YOU most like, & the least like (most in conflict with) ? • How do you feel emotionally, about your choices? About the conflicts? GO>>>VALUES_A-H.htmlshapeimage_5_link_0
PLANNING (in a nutshell) 1. Formulate goals in clear, specific terms 2. Examine the attainability of the plan 3. Inventory present situation & resources 4. Make the plan flexible 5. List resources needed to achieve goal 6. List a sequence of intermediate steps 7. Use time management to implement plan
Ways to DEAL with OBSTACLES 1. ALLIANCE: Find help to resist them 2. ENDURANCE: Wait for them to go away, or lose their power 3. EVASION: Go around them 4. FIGHT: Overcome them with perseverance & superior strength 5. INSULATION: Avoid their zone of influence 6. RALLY: Gain courage by celebrating prior successes
VALUES (A - H)VALUES_A-H.html

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Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists

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