Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists
YOU CAN TRANSFORM from DAMAGED
to EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY
SYMPTOMS - ACoA Characteristics
A Addictive/compulsive behaviors, or marry addicts
D Delusional thinking & denial about family of origin
U Unmercifully judgmental of self & others
L Lacking good boundaries - want to symbiose
T Tolerate inappropriate behavior
C Constantly seek approval or overly independent
H Have difficulty with intimate relationships
I Incur guilt when standing up for self
L Lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth
D Disabled will (can’t be ones own motivator)
R Reactive rather than active / creative
E Extremely loyal - to the wrong people
N Numbed out (from too much pain)
O Overreact to changes out of one’s control
F Feel different than everyone else
A Anxious & hyper-vigilant
L Low self-worth because of internalized shame
C Confuse love with pity
O Overly rigid & serious / OR just the opposite
H Have difficulty finishing projects
O Overly dependent & terrified of abandonment
L Live life as a victim or as an offender
I Intimidated by anger & criticism, or in a rage
C Control-madness (an excessive need to control)
S Super-responsible or super-irresponsible
From THE FAMILY - by John Bradshaw
1. Admitted our powerlessness to
change our past - that our lives had
become unmanageable, & became
willing to surrender to love & not to
our fear
2. Found hope in the belief that
recovery is possible through faith &
an acceptance of the fact that we are
never alone
3. Learned to let go of compulsive
self-reliance by reaching out to our
Higher Power
4. Made an honest assessment of our
strengths & weaknesses, & accepted
the impact our childhood had on us as
adults
5. Learned to share our self-parenting
issues with others without self-
recrimination or shame
6. Became ready to change, by giving
up the demand to be perfect
7. Learned to embrace our uniqueness
& connection to others, in a spirit of
love & humility
8. Learned self-forgiveness & made
amends to our Inner Child
9. Healed our Inner Child by realizing
the promise of self-parenting in our
daily lives
10.Practiced daily self-acceptance &
learned to live in the present
11.Allowed the beauty in us to shine forth
by surrendering to our Higher Power
12.Having had this spiritual awakening, we reached out to others in the spirit
of giving, love & community
❦
Patricia A. O’Gorman
& Phil Oliver-Diaz
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