BOUNDARIES (Bs)- Healthy


With regard to YOURSELF:
  • value your opinions, as much as others 
  • know what you believe & want
  • trust your own decisions, defining your  
     truth, as you see it
  • know when the problem is yours, & when  
     it belongs to someone else 
  • empower yourself to make healthy 
     choices & be responsible for yourself
  • be assertive (not aggressive) by stating   
     opinions, emotions & needs, respectfully
  • say No or Yes, and know that you're OK 
     when others say No to you 

With regard to OTHERS:
  • be able to ask for help when you need it  
  • go slow in a new relationship while you 
     check for compatibility
  • you decide whether a potential relationship 
     will be good for you
  • recognize that friends and partners are 
     not mind readers  
  • give personal information gradually, in a  
     mutually trusting atmosphere, then check 
     to see how the other person responds 
  • communicate needs & wants clearly in all  
  • avoid expectations - know that you might get  
     turned down, but still have the right to ask
  • notice any time others boundary-invade you
  • respect other’s boundaries - like, ask them 
      if it’s ok before touching them

With regard to YOURSELF:
  • become your own good parent - take 
     care of your own needs
  • talk to yourself with gentleness, respect 
     and humor
  • have high self-esteem, know yourself   
  • have a strong sense of identity
  • acknowledge your shadow self, without  
  • be committed to and responsible for  
     exploring & nurturing your full potential
  • be responsible for your own happiness 
     & fulfillment
  • know your limits - don’t giving too much,  
     in the hope that someone will like you
  • don’t compromise your values or integrity 
     to avoid possible rejection   

With regard to OTHERS:
  • move step-by-step into intimacy
  • develop appropriate trust, based on
     current reality (what you know about them)
  • allow others to define their own limits
  • allow others to be responsible for their 
     own happiness and fulfillment
  • expect reciprocity in all relationships
  • have an equal partnership where  
     responsibility and power are shared
  • have respect for others — don’t take  
     advantage of someone’s generosity  AND 
     don't let others take advantage of yours  
  • don't tolerate emotional abuse or 
    disrespect from anyone

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Modified from

Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists