Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists


For anyone who is lesbian, gay, bisexual or              
  transgendered (GLBT), coming out is a process   
  of understanding, accepting, and valuing your 
  sexual orientation/identity. It means coming to  
  come to terms with what it means to be 
  different in a society that tends to assume      
  everyone is heterosexual, and judges 
  differences from the norm in negative ways.

Coming out is a continuing, sometimes  
  lifelong, process. Because positive role models
  are often difficult to identify, you may feel
  alone and unsure of yourself.

  This process includes exploring your identity,  
  sharing that with others, and coping with
  societal responses & attitudes toward LGBT
  people.   Fear of rejection is greater among
  LGBT people due to the prejudices in society
  against them.

In coming, consider the following:

  1. Think about what you want to say and choose the time and place carefully.

  2. Be aware of what the other person is going through. The best time for you might not be the best time for someone else.

  3. Present yourself honestly and remind the other person that you are the same individual you were yesterday.

  4. Be prepared for an initially negative reaction from some people. Do not forget that it took time for you to come to terms with your sexuality, and that it is important to give others the time they need.

  5. Have friends lined up to talk with you later about what happened.

  6. Don’t give up hope if you don’t initially get the reaction you wanted. Due to inculcated societal prejudices mentioned earlier, some people need more time than others to come to terms with what they have heard.

Above all, be careful not to let your self-               
  esteem depend so much on the approval of
  others. If a person rejects you & refuses to
  work on acceptance, that’s not your fault. 
  Keep in mind that their initial refusal may get
  reversed once the person gets used to the idea
  that you are LGBT.

  If their attitude never changes, you may want
  to re-evaluate your relationship and its
  importance to you. Remember that you have
  the right to be who you are, you have the
  right to be out and open about all important
  aspects of your identity including your sexual
  orientation, & in no case is another person’s
  rejection evidence of your lack of value.


Gays & Lesbians

  Many ACoA traits also describe their personal  
  experiences, especially when coming out in 
  a homophobic society.

   1. We lack a sense of wholeness of self; we define

    ourselves as ok or not ok by the external

    reactions of others

2. We react to others from a one down position, 

     fearful of being found out

3. We fear what  might happen for being different;   

     we either avoid anger & upset in others by

     silence or compliance, OR provoke rejection by

     exaggerating our differences

4. We feel we must earn our self-worth, constantly

    looking for the approval of others & judging

    ourselves harshly when we don’t succeed

5. We don’t trust those who seem to be part of

    the heterosexual majority & anyone who’s in a

    one-down position

6. We don’t take a stand or make a commitment  

     easily, fearful of increasing our sense of

     vulnerability; we often go in & out of coming

    from opposing positions

7. We don’t allow ourselves spontaneity,

     constantly on guard against possible attack

8. We don’t know how to engage in give-&-take  

     relationships, unsure what we have to give, &

     desperately needing what might be offered

9. We need to feel in control of others’ reactions & 

     don’t feel ok with changes from outside sources

  1. 10.We don’t know how to express a full range of  

     emotions, being used to suppressing their

     outward expression, or else exaggerating

     distortions of our true feelings

  1. 11.We pride ourselves in creating consistencies

     or in resolving difficulties for others

  1. 12.We feel over-responsible for others, glad to

     help, but avoid asking for help ourselves

  1. 13.We turn to compulsive rituals to promote the illusion of control, thereby suppressing the

     pain of not belonging

  1. 14.We don’t know the meaning of intimacy;  we 

      confuse our gratitude of others’ approval

      with love

Developed by Edwin E Ellis, PhD 
  from the work of Janet Woititz
SEE: Many GLBT ARTICLES in Huffington Posthttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/lgbt/shapeimage_7_link_0