♥ LIFE IS a PROCESS, NOT a PRODUCT
ACoAs hold unattainable standards of
perfection. When they forget that life is
a process & expect instant & perfect
achievement of their goals, they need to
remind themselves that learning comes by
trial & error, NOT trial & success!
♥ MIND YOUR OWN PROCESS
ACoAs are so used to being enmeshed in
the family’s chaos & confusion, and so
addicted to to excitement of the drama,
that they tend to get involved with every
new crisis that comes along - even the ones
on TV. Other people’s craziness is NOT
their business
♥ RECOVERING from “DON’T MIND ME”
ACoAs are not good at setting limits based
on their own needs. Even if they know
intuitively when to say ‘No’, emotionally
they still doubt they have rights, so they
feel guilty asserting them. It’s OK ( and
imperative) to have boundaries.
♥ THIS MAY NOT BE SO
Afraid of facing the residual chaos &
confusion of childhood, ACoAs invent
stories to define their reality. Allowing
for the possibility that they may not know
what’s going on in any given situation
creates opportunities to experience WHAT
IS, including the wonder & delight of the
universe
EMOTIONAL SOBRIETY
♥ A THOUGHT FOR EVERY FEELING,
A FEELING FOR EVERY THOUGHT
ACoAs tend to be either without affect
(emotion) or with so much on the surface
that it’s hard to get in touch with the real
emotions underneath. They need to connect
with their true emotions - understand,
accept & express them appropriately
♥ BE HERE NOW
Many ACoAs are trapped in the pain of the
past & are afraid of the future. In
experiencing the moment they get
overwhelmed by their inability to control
life’s events. They need to cultivate an
adventurous spirit & a willingness to be in
the present, no matter what
♥ FUN IS FOR FUN
Feeling good & having fun is hard for ACoAs.
Since they were not taught to nurture
themselves or be lighthearted, they feel
guilty when enjoying things/ ‘wasting time’ /
don’t make every moment significant. They
have to remember it’s OK to space out, do
nothing, feel good
♥ I GIVE YOU & YOU GIVE ME
ACoA have been so hurt in the name of love,
that as adults they avoid equal intimate
relationships. Being open to receiving &
learning to give appropriately are important
aspects of recovery
♥ IT’S NOT ALL UP TO ME
The feeling of being responsible is insidious,
subtle & very deep for ACoAs. They blame
themselves for everything that happens
around them. They need to learn that
they’re not in charge of other people &
situations, only themselves
Emotionally Sober PARENTS Provide:
✶ Love, empathy, praise, acceptance, a sense of self-worth
✶ Emotional & mental stimulation (talking, feeling, touching)
✶ Individuation; Sense of security; Appropriate identity model
✶ Stability, permanence, continuity of care
✶ Opportunities & rewards for learning & mastery
✶ Adequate standard of reality; Control of aggression
✶ Limits, moral guidance, consequences for behavior
✶ Opportunity for extra-familial experiences
✶ Sense of security, realistic protection from harm
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Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists