❧ JUDGING vs being JUDGMENTAL

  Being judgmental is based on being

  fearful, angry & distrustful. It says that  

  the person being judged is not good,

  instead of their actions not being sound. 

  It’s a way to make oneself feel ‘superior’ 

  to cover up feeling inferior & powerless.  

  It’s not minding our own business. It’s

  wanting others to be what we want them

  to be for us, instead of accepting them

  as they are

  Making good judgments, on the other

  hand, is based on knowing clearly who you

  are, your tasted & your values. It’s an

  acknowledgement of what is sound vs

  unsound (like identifying rotten vs fresh

  food, safe vs unsafe people, painful vs

  pleasant situations...)  In order to chose

  well & feel safe in the world, one must 

  have good judgement - but it has to do

  with ways of acting, talking & interacting

  with others,  rather than about the

  intrinsic value of others

❧ LETTING GO

  This means having the ability to accept what

  is real in life, what’s out of our power to

  change, of not forcing ‘people, places &

  things’ to be what we want, so we don’t

  have to feel uncomfortable. 

  This requires a certain amount of mental &

  emotional health to deal with

❧ OUT OF CONTROL

  Most people use this term to mean that

  someone is expressing intense or

  unacceptable emotions (like yelling or

  crying in public...)

  Actually, there’s only one cause: Not 

  having a choice, in that moment!

  It could mean : not leaving a bad

  situation, not acknowledging abuse, 

  expecting the impossible...as well as

  throwing a tantrum or attacking

  someone.... The real issue is -

  how much freedom of will did you have

❧ GUILT

  An emotions (E.) caused by any action (A) 

  which breaks a rule- usually  a family rule,  

  like “children should be seen & not heard” 

  “you’re feelings don’t count”... 

  The Purpose of guilt is to force a return

  to obeying the rule.

  HOWEVER, if  the rule is harmful to  one’s

  growth, it must be DIS-obeyed. At first   

  new new A. will cause guilt, which must

  be tolerated.  If the new A. continues,

  the guilt will eventually fade.  

  (See ‘Self-Hate’ & ‘Toxic Rules’)

❧ INNER CHILD

  It’s an ego state made up of our memories, 

  from birth on, thru all the stages of

  development.  It also hold our emotional

  experiences, the rules we learned from our

  family & society - as well as the core of our

  true self.

  We all have a healthy child & a wounded

  child - the latter often running our life -

  because we had to take care of ourselves

  way too early in life. 
  Recovery includes developing a Healthy 

  Adult / Loving Parent who can be in charge,

  to take care of ourselves in ways we did not

  learn growing up

❧ ISOLATION vs INTROVERSION

  Isolation is based on self-hate (‘no-one 

  wants me’), fear of others (‘no-one is safe’)

  & lack of good boundaries (‘I lose myself

  when I’m with others’). These beliefs are

  rooted in genuine daily experiences in

  childhood, which poisoned our connection

  to the rest of humanity. Recovery works on

  healing these belief which keep us from 

  being nourished & loved

  Introversion is something one is born   

  with, it’s a predisposition & needs to be 

  accepted, not changed.  An introvert is not 

  afraid of being with people, they just need 

  far less external stimulus than extroverts. 

  They thrive on being quiet, thinking, doing

  & learning - by themselves.

  They are often friendly, talkative, funny &  

  always very knowledgeable, but need a lot

  of time alone to process their thoughts &

  recharge.

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