• I don’t feel like it

  • I don’t know

  • I’m confused

  • I’m scared

  • I’m not ready

  • Please! Don’t!

  • Maybe (not)

  • Let’s take our time / go slow

  • I don’t like this

  • It’s getting late

  • I need to get home

  • I don’t feel good about this

  • I don’t want to get AIDS

  • I know we’ve done this before 

     but don’t want to now 

  • I only do it with people I really 

     care about: I don’t know you

     well enough

  • I don’t want to do more than  


  • I don’t know that I like you

     that much


BOUNDARIES (Bs) - Unhealthy

ACTIONS which Mean “NO”!

  • Looking down

  • Cringing

  • Moving away

  • Avoid being alone with the other

  • Reluctant to get into a car

  • Pulling back from touch

  • Hesitating to go with

  • Stammering (if unusual)


           PHYSICAL / SEXUAL

You :

   • Falling in love at first sight (just because 

      someone seems interested / reaches out)

   • Intimate sharing on first meeting

   • Inability to distinguish between love and sex

   • Having sex when you do not want to

   • Feeling a need to always be in a sexual 


   • Attaching self-esteem to sexual attraction

   • Not protecting your own need for privacy

   • Allowing others to take as much as they can 

      from you

The Other:

  • using physical intimidation

  • touching others without asking

  • manipulating another person emotionally

     with sex

  • using sex as a reward or punishment

  • forcing sex on someone who does not want it

  • physical / emotional abuse during sex

  • not allowing others their privacy

            MENTAL / EMOTIONAL


  • need for constant reassurance from others

  • over-react to feelings or behavior of others

  • inability to ask for help

  • over-giving,  people-pleasing

  • unclear about one own preferences

  • butting in on other’s emotions, pressing them   

     for info, try to fix their pain

     assuming others know what you feel or

     what they need

  • making material gifts the measure of

     another’s caring OR accepting unwanted gifts

The Other:

   • verbal abuse / making threats

    intolerance to difference in opinion

  •  not respecting the rights of others

  • insisting others tell you how they feel

  • assuming you know what someone else feel

  • frequent advice-giving, expecting others to   

     follow it

From: U of Toledo Police
   See more great info on their site
SETTING HEALTHY BsSet_Healthy_Boundaries.html
  (from college dating

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Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists

BOUNDARIES - 3 typesBoundaries_-_3_Types.html