PRIDE SYSTEM created by the I.S.
1.NEUROTIC PRIDE (N.P.)
* Pride in the attributes of the I.S., instead of
in self-esteem & accomplishments based on
the real self
* When I.S. is threatened it creates anxiety &
hostility
* When it collapses it caused self-contempt &
despair
* To restore the I.C., the person may
- retaliate, verbally or physically
- lose interest in person or situation
- use distortions (forget, embellish, blame,
deny any responsibility)
2.NEUROTIC CLAIMS (N.C.)....
*...on the world: their ‘bargain with fate’
should be honored; they must get what they
need to make their chosen solution work out
* The N.C. is pervaded by expectations of
magical outcomes
* Any frustration by actual experience - leads
to despair, outraged indignation & refusal
to accept reality; may shift ‘solutions’
(expl: from compliant to vindictive)
3.TYRANNICAL SHOULDS
* Function: compel person to live up to the
grandiose conception of the I.S.
* Specific shoulds are generated by the
solution of choice
* When one’s shoulds are in conflict with
another’s shoulds, hidden (unexpressed)
solutions get externalized by projecting
them onto the other person :
My shoulds -- is seen as -- Their expectations
My self-hate “ -- Their rejection
My self-criticism “ -- Their unfairness
My self-reproach “ -- Their rage / abuse
BARGAINS with FATE
(Toxic Solutions to childhood wounding)
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Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists