Article: “Healthy opposites”


   ✶ It’s the YOUNGER part of us (Inner Child)  

      who is making these negative choices -

      as a way to be loyal to our family & their

      teachings.  This is normal for everyone.

   ✶ Most people in the world are damaged. 

     Internally they’re run by 2 main ego states: 

     the ‘Bad’ voice (Introject) & the wounded

     Child. There are other aspects of a person,

     like a functioning Adult, but not strong enough 

     to be truly in charge. 

  ✶ ACoAs tend at first to ‘over-value’ someone/

     something and then, when disappointed - 

    ‘under-value’ to the point of rage. We expect 

    too much of others (the impossible) but don’t

    expect what IS possible. We go to the wrong 

    people for our needs, inevitably getting let

    down, like when we were kids.

  ✶ ACoAs need to develop 2 new ego states

    (inner voices); the ‘Healthy Adult‘ that deals

    with facts, & the ‘Loving Parent‘ in charge of

    nurturing & guidance. They must take over the

    responsibility of running our lives, & to care 

    for our wounded part - away from the ‘bad

    voice’ that beats us up


  ✶ ACoAs can outgrow much of their damage by  

    being willing to honestly identify the layers &

    layers of pain & denial, be willing to gently

    correct harmful behavior patterns & utilize as

    many forms of support/ information / books /

    therapy as possible.


  ✶ As Healthy Adults, we have to choose what 

    actually works & what doesn’t - in the present

    - rather than what we learned originally. 

    Staying ‘awake’ for the physical & emotional

    results of old patters makes it possible to 


                                    DMT © 1998         

     are some 


        Aggressive            ➼   Assertive
      Co-dependence   ➼   Inter-dependance
      Addictions        ➼   Sobriety
      Shame-filled     ➼   Self-respecting
      Be a Victim      ➼   Be Responsible 
      Be abused        ➼   Have Boundaries
      People-please    ➼   Make Choices
      Rescuing          ➼   Helping
      Isolated          ➼   Sociable
  Dramatic         ➼    Calm


   Gradually correcting distorted

   beliefs  and changing actions will

   create many  Positive Opposites: 

   ability to have fun

   ✧ be loved by good, kind people

   ✧ comfortable in your skin

   ✧ express creativity

   ✧ feel effective

   ✧ gain self-esteem   

   ✧ get needs met

   ✧ improve living & working conditions

   ✧ have less anxiety

   ✧ make true friends

   ✧ smoother relationships

   ✧ take appropriate risks

   ✧ trust your judgement  /etc    


   Over time, these changes will add

   up, to give you a sense of worth --  

   permission to be your true self, be

   part of the human race & actually

   enjoy life!

   My Best Wishes to Each of You,

   Donna Marie Torbico  


Home  •  SITE MAP  •  About Me  •  ACoA Traits  •  Article  • Books  •  Boundaries  •  Co-Dependence  • Course  •  Decisions  •  Definitions  •  Effective Responses  • Emotions  •  Family Roles  •   Friends  •   Healthy Rules  • Inner Child •  Links  •  Love  •  Recovery  •  Relationships  •  Toxic Rules  •  Trust 


Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists

ARTICLE Article.html
Published in NEW LIFE Magazine & SELFGROWTH.com