1. 1.By WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
   

  “I can live for 2 months on a good compliment”

     Mark Twain.

  • This group needs words: compliments, thanks,  

     appreciation,  encouragement, affection,

     requests (not demands)

  • By phone, text, letter, notes, email, but mainly

     face to face

  • Gather a list of kind, positive words & use them

     often, to build up  (not people-pleasing)

  • FOCUS is on what’s being said.

2. By QUALITY TIME

• This group needs quality, undivided attention

    - no distraction, doing things together and

    being focused on.

  • The activity is only a vehicle to create that

    sense of togetherness - what happens on the  

    emotional level is what matters.

  • It can be sympathetic dialogue - being drawn

    out & listened to,  sharing experiences,

    thoughts, emotions & desires in a friendly,

    uninterrupted context  (NO advice).

  •  FOCUS is on what’s being heard.

3. By RECEIVING GIFTS

  • This group needs to receive gifts - they’re

    visual symbols of love, (like the wedding ring)

    of being thought of. They’re important

   because symbols have emotional value.

  • The size & cost is not the important thing,

    but the face you’re thought of. They can be

    bought, made or found.

  • The ‘careful’ spouse (tight) of this type can

   consider that whatever money they spend is

   an excellent investment -  filling their mate’s

   emotional love tank will pay big dividends -   

   blue chip stocks in a happy marriage

  • Another form of gift giving is to there when

   the mate really needs you, like at the death of

   a parent, loss of job...

4. By ACT OF SERVICE

  • This group needs actions done specifically that

   suits them, as tangible expressions of being loved.

  • They require thought, time, planning, effort &

   energy - & if done in a positive spirit, are acts

   of love.

• The actions done must be specifically what this

    type actually want, otherwise it doesn’t count.

• It’s imperative that this spouse let the other

   know exactly what fills their tank- no one is a

   mind reader.

  • When one spouse gives a criticism, the  

   ‘receiver’ can ask “ What is important about

   this for you?”  to understand the need. 

   Eventually the criticism can be turned into a

   request, that can possibly be met.

5. By PHYSICAL TOUCH

• This group needs to be touched, lovingly, a

    powerful way to communicate love. This can

    include some or all of the five senses.  For

    some it’s food, others sex, others caresses, etc

  • To this type, some kinds of touch can be very

    irritating & any form of hostile touch will be

    devastating.

  • Some kinds of positive touch can take

    planning time & effort, others can be fleeting

    but meaningful.

  • The spouse of this type can be imaginative -

   finding new ways & places can be an exciting

   challenge.