HEAL & GROW for ACoAs
 

CO-DEPENDENCE   

PATTERNS
 I don’t perceive myself as being a lovable or worthwhile person  I’m a perfectionist  I judge harshly everything I think, feel or say as never being good enough  I have difficulty making decisions  I’m afraid to express opinions & feelings that are different from others’ ♦  I have difficulty identifying what I feel  I have difficulty expressing my emotions  I alter, minimize or deny how I truly feel  I’m afraid of my anger, yet sometimes erupt in a rage ♦  I am afraid of being hurt & of being rejected  I worry how others may respond to my emotions, opinions & behavior  I compromise my own values & integrity to avoid rejection, or others’ anger  I don’t ask others to meet my needs, wants  I am embarrassed to receive praise, recognition, or gifts ♦  I put others’ needs & desires before mine  I am very sensitive to how others are feeling - & feel the same way  I value other people’s opinions & emotions more than mine  I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long
DEFINITION A long-standing destructive way of living. It’s based on an inadequate sense of self, developed in childhood, as a result of not receiving Unconditional Love & support, not being seen, nurtured or guided wisely. Therefore, co-dependents look to others to tell them who they are, how they should feel, think & act.
 I value others’ approval of my thinking, emotions & actions, over my own  I agree with others so they’ll like me  I put aside my own interests & concerns in order to do what others want  I think of myself as completely unselfish & dedicated to the well-being of others  I ask for help & nurturing only when I’m sick, & then reluctantly  I use sex to gain approval & acceptance ♦  I can’t tolerate seeing others in pain  I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves  I feel good about myself only when I’m helping others  I must be needed in order to have any kind of a relationship with others  I focus my attention on protecting others  I’m very good at guessing how others feel  I can anticipate others’ needs and desires before they ask them to be met  I try to convince others what they ‘truly’ think & ‘should’ feel  I freely offer advice & directions without being asked ♦  I become resentful when others won’t let me help them  I lavish gifts & favors on those I care about  I keep score of my good deeds & favors, & get very hurt when they’re not reciprocated


   COMPLIERS  use 

  people as substitute

  parents so they don’t  

  have to face the pain of

  ‘growing up’ emotionally.


  CONTROLLERS  use

  people to make

  themselves feel valued  

  instead of learning to

  value themselves.

CONTROLLING
COMPLIANT

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Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists