DON'T
• be a child
• be comfortable
• be direct
• be hopeful
• be selfish
• be ‘weak’
• be yourself
• change bad things
• complete tasks
• feel anything
• heal yourself
• leave us
• need anything
• notice reality
• out-do us
• risk anything new
• try or succeed
• want anything
☁ It’s weak & dangerous
-- to have needs
-- to ask for help
-- to have feelings (emotions)
☁ I’m always supposed to struggle, but never
get there
☁ Other people’s needs & feeling are always
more important than mine
☁ If it too easy for me to do, it doesn’t count
& has no value
☁ If I have to ask for it - it it doesn’t count
(people should already know what I need)
☁ Joy , peace, contentment -- are not an
option for me
☁ No one is safe / trustworthy (I can’t trust
anyone)
☁ I deserve / cause all the anger & abuse my
family dishes out to me
☁ Be loyal to the family - even if they are
crazy, hurtful, cruel or neglectful
☁ Never ever hold anyone else accountable
for their bad behavior
ADD YOUR OWN VARIATION
BE ☛ or
• a blamer
• addicted
• all knowing
• alone
• crazy
• confused
• controlling
• fearful
• frenetic
• hopeless
• isolated
• judgmental
• miserable
• obedient
• perfect
• rigid
• silent
•‘strong’
toxiC rules of dysfunctional families
☁ I’m supposed to be punished severely for
-- accidental mistakes
-- things I don’t know
-- bad things that others do to me
☁ Don’t air the family laundry (anywhere)
☁ The ‘universe’ is against me/ I’m doomed
☁ I should never be comforted when in pain
☁ I’m supposed to always suffer
☁ If I don’t like it -- I have to stay
☁ No one wants to help me & or ever will
☁ Why bother / it’s hopeless / I’m hopeless
☁ I have to do everything myself
☁ No playing until ALL my work is done
☁ Down time is wasted time (do, do, do)
☁ Don’t expect anything good, ever
☁ I’m not worthy of / don’t deserve love
☁ I’ll always be alone, no one wants me
☁ I don’t belong - anywhere!
☁ I’m too much trouble, too sensitive
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Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists