HEAL & GROW for ACoAs
 

DON'T

   be a child

   be comfortable

   • be direct

   • be hopeful

   be selfish

   be ‘weak’

   be yourself

   change bad things

   complete tasks

   feel anything

   heal yourself

   leave us

   need anything

   notice reality

   out-do us

   risk anything new

   try or succeed

   want anything


☁ It’s weak & dangerous    

     -- to have needs                                     

     -- to ask for help

     -- to have feelings (emotions)


☁ I’m always supposed to struggle, but never

     get there


☁ Other people’s needs & feeling are always 

     more important than mine


☁ If it too easy for me to do, it doesn’t count 

      & has no value


☁ If I have to ask for it -  it it doesn’t count  

     (people should already know what I need)


☁ Joy , peace, contentment  --  are not an  

      option for me


☁ No one is safe / trustworthy (I can’t trust   

      anyone)


☁ I deserve / cause all the anger & abuse my

     family dishes out to me


☁ Be loyal to the family - even if they are

     crazy, hurtful, cruel or neglectful


☁ Never  ever hold anyone else accountable  

     for their bad behavior


                  ADD YOUR OWN VARIATION

BE              or 

   a blamer

   addicted

   all knowing

   alone

   crazy

   confused

   controlling

   fearful

   frenetic

   hopeless

   isolated

   judgmental

   miserable

   obedient

   perfect

   rigid

   silent

   ‘strong’

toxiC  rules  of dysfunctional families


I’m supposed to be punished severely for

      -- accidental mistakes

      -- things I don’t know

      -- bad things that others do to me


Don’t air the family laundry (anywhere)


The ‘universe’ is against me/ I’m doomed


I should never be comforted when in pain


I’m supposed to always suffer


If I don’t like it  --  I have to stay


☁ No one wants to help me & or ever will


Why bother / it’s hopeless  / I’m hopeless


☁ I have to do everything myself


No playing until ALL my work is done


☁ Down time is wasted time (do, do, do)


☁ Don’t expect anything good, ever


☁ I’m not worthy of / don’t deserve love


☁ I’ll always be alone, no one wants me


☁ I don’t belong - anywhere! 


☁ I’m too much trouble, too sensitive                                    

EXPANDED         
      bad rules
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D. M. Torbico  © 2010
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Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists

BAD  
    Rules
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