❧ JUDGING vs being JUDGMENTAL
Being judgmental is based on being
fearful, angry & distrustful. It says that
the person being judged is not good,
instead of their actions not being sound.
It’s a way to make oneself feel ‘superior’
to cover up feeling inferior & powerless.
It’s not minding our own business. It’s
wanting others to be what we want them
to be for us, instead of accepting them
as they are
Making good judgments, on the other
hand, is based on knowing clearly who you
are, your tasted & your values. It’s an
acknowledgement of what is sound vs
unsound (like identifying rotten vs fresh
food, safe vs unsafe people, painful vs
pleasant situations...) In order to chose
well & feel safe in the world, one must
have good judgement - but it has to do
with ways of acting, talking & interacting
with others, rather than about the
intrinsic value of others
❧ LETTING GO
This means having the ability to accept what
is real in life, what’s out of our power to
change, of not forcing ‘people, places &
things’ to be what we want, so we don’t
have to feel uncomfortable.
This requires a certain amount of mental &
emotional health to deal with
❧ OUT OF CONTROL
Most people use this term to mean that
someone is expressing intense or
unacceptable emotions (like yelling or
crying in public...)
Actually, there’s only one cause: Not
having a choice, in that moment!
It could mean : not leaving a bad
situation, not acknowledging abuse,
expecting the impossible...as well as
throwing a tantrum or attacking
someone.... The real issue is -
how much freedom of will did you have
DEFINITIONS
❧ GUILT
An emotions (E.) caused by any action (A)
which breaks a rule- usually a family rule,
like “children should be seen & not heard”
“you’re feelings don’t count”...
The Purpose of guilt is to force a return
to obeying the rule.
HOWEVER, if the rule is harmful to one’s
growth, it must be DIS-obeyed. At first
new new A. will cause guilt, which must
be tolerated. If the new A. continues,
the guilt will eventually fade.
(See ‘Self-Hate’ & ‘Toxic Rules’)
❧ INNER CHILD
It’s an ego state made up of our memories,
from birth on, thru all the stages of
development. It also hold our emotional
experiences, the rules we learned from our
family & society - as well as the core of our
true self.
We all have a healthy child & a wounded
child - the latter often running our life -
because we had to take care of ourselves
way too early in life.
Recovery includes developing a Healthy
Adult / Loving Parent who can be in charge,
to take care of ourselves in ways we did not
learn growing up
❧ ISOLATION vs INTROVERSION
Isolation is based on self-hate (‘no-one
wants me’), fear of others (‘no-one is safe’)
& lack of good boundaries (‘I lose myself
when I’m with others’). These beliefs are
rooted in genuine daily experiences in
childhood, which poisoned our connection
to the rest of humanity. Recovery works on
healing these belief which keep us from
being nourished & loved
Introversion is something one is born
with, it’s a predisposition & needs to be
accepted, not changed. An introvert is not
afraid of being with people, they just need
far less external stimulus than extroverts.
They thrive on being quiet, thinking, doing
& learning - by themselves.
They are often friendly, talkative, funny &
always very knowledgeable, but need a lot
of time alone to process their thoughts &
recharge.
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Adult-Children of alcoholics & other narcissists