PRIDE SYSTEM created by the I.S.

1. 1.NEUROTIC PRIDE (N.P.)
   

   * Pride in the attributes of the I.S., instead of

      in self-esteem & accomplishments based on

      the real self

   * When  I.S. is threatened it creates anxiety &

      hostility

   * When it collapses it caused self-contempt &

      despair

   * To restore the I.C., the person may

    - retaliate, verbally or physically

    - lose interest in person or situation

    - use distortions (forget, embellish, blame,

         deny any responsibility)

2. 2.NEUROTIC CLAIMS  (N.C.)....
   

   *...on the world: their ‘bargain with fate’

      should be honored; they must get what they

      need to make their chosen solution work out

   * The N.C. is pervaded by expectations of    

      magical outcomes

   * Any frustration by actual experience - leads

      to despair, outraged indignation & refusal

      to accept reality; may shift ‘solutions’

      (expl: from compliant to vindictive)

3. 3.TYRANNICAL SHOULDS
   

    * Function: compel person to live up to the

       grandiose conception of the I.S.

    * Specific shoulds are generated by the

       solution of choice

    * When one’s shoulds are in conflict with

       another’s shoulds, hidden (unexpressed)

       solutions get externalized by projecting 

       them onto the other person :

   My shoulds  -- is seen as -- Their expectations

   My self-hate         “        --  Their rejection

   My self-criticism   “        --  Their unfairness

   My self-reproach   “        --  Their rage / abuse

Home  •  SITE MAP  •  About Me  •  ACoA Traits  •  Article  • Books  •  Boundaries  •  Co-Dependence  • Course  •  Decisions  •  Definitions  •  Effective Responses  • Emotions  •  Family Roles  •   Friends  •   Healthy Rules  • Inner Child •  Links  •  Love  •  Recovery  •  Relationships  •  Toxic Rules  •  Trust